Stop Ignoring the Cornerstone of Your Happiness
What’s the number one thing you need to focus on if you want a rich, fulfilling life?
Do you think it’s your career? Your health and physical fitness? Or perhaps it’s earning tons of money…
All of those things are incredibly important, so we tend to focus on them a lot. There are all sorts of programs and books and trainers to help us do so, and investing in all of those things makes us feel great, like we’re finally making progress.
Having said that…
There’s one aspect of our lives where we don’t ever pay enough attention. And if that aspect isn’t maintained properly, you can wind up completely miserable — no matter how great everything else in your life is.
That one often-ignored but fundamentally important element?
It’s your relationship.
Whether you call them your long term girlfriend (or boyfriend), a life partner, or a spouse, chances are good that you’ve let things go.
Sure, when you’re first dating somebody, you want to spend all your free time with them. You call them, you send them texts, you send them flowers, you go on dates – in short, you spend money and time on this person lavishly.
But then you’re in a relationship, and next thing you know, reality hits.
The True Attention Hogs
If you’ve been with somebody awhile, you probably spend more time looking at your phone then you do looking at your partner.
Or if you’re really impressive, you’ve dedicated one night a week to a date night where you go to Applebee’s and try not to talk about your job or your kids.
Listen, you owe your relationship more than that.
This is the one fundamental element of your life. This is supposed to be the person you can count on for anything, the person who will support you and your endeavors no matter where the road leads.
When you’ve got that kind of love and support in your life everything else falls into place.
You become unstoppable when you’ve got the one you love cheering you on every day!
And if you neglect the relationship, that love and support slowly ebbs away. The slow demise of a relationship feels like a death because it’s essential to your wellbeing, so you have to take care of it.
Even if you’ve let everything slide up to this point, it’s time to turn around and start giving again.
The great news is that if you give more to your relationship, you will get back more as well.
I’m not trying to be some sappy love guru here. But I’ve been with my wife for 10 years. We’ve been through a lot of great things and a lot of tough things together and our relationship is pretty incredible still.
So I did want to share a few of the things I’ve learned with you.
First, make time for your partner.
This is so simple, and so obvious, and yet, very few people actually make it happen. Even when we’re spending time in the same room, we’re occupied mentally by other things.
Here’s a killer tip we use in our house…
If you want your loved one to spend a little more time looking at you and a little less time visiting their iPhone, ask them to turn off all their notifications.
Our phones don’t deserve as much attention as we give them, and they’re screaming out for even more of your attention and time with those little red notifications.
Turn off the notifications and watch what happens – you’ll be surprised how very little you’ll miss them and how much you’ll gain from the time spent looking at your loved one instead of a screen.
Look, I’m no stranger to losing time to other things. Not only do I have London Real and my other business endeavors to attend to, we also have two young children and a teenager to take care of.
We are no strangers to being pulled in a million different directions at once, but we know we have to make our relationship a priority. If we don’t, then nothing else works. That’s where the balance starts.
You may have to fight to get more time with your spouse, but it’s a fight worth fighting.
The key is to not let anything else completely consume you, whether that’s business, or parenthood, or some other aspect of your life that takes a lot of time.
If you let it consume you, there won’t be anything left to maintain your relationship with.
Second, make time for yourself and make sure that your wife / girlfriend / partner has made time for herself, too.
You can’t give to your relationship what isn’t there, so make sure you’re fulfilled as a person so you can then offer your partner the best version of yourself.
A relationship can’t function if you don’t love yourself. Sure, you can love someone else even if you’re down and out, but it’s not a healthy kind of love. You’ll get wrapped up in them just like you can get wrapped up in an addiction, and that’s not sustainable.
If you’re coming from a place of health, wellness, and mental fulfillment of your own, you can then offer your partner the best version of you. Don’t they deserve that?
Third, don’t get in your own way.
Look, as people we all grow and change and our relationships need to grow and change, too. Don’t let your ego get in the way of that. It’s true, trust can be scary, but to give your partner your trust in what they’re doing and how they are growing and changing is one of the greatest gifts you could ever offer them.
Rather than question their every move, remember they are a growing, changing, evolving person that you love and offer them your support. Chances are good that they’ll return the favor.
That kind of unconditional support is priceless.
As my wife Mariana says, family is everything and your relationship is the foundation of your family.
So why not check in with yourself and your partner, and make sure you’re creating the habits that will keep that relationship strong and rewarding?
You won’t regret it.
Editor, Brian Rose Uncensored