Do You Really Give a F**k About That?
Mark Manson is an American self-help author, personal development consultant, entrepreneur, and blogger.
His work has been featured by major publications and broadcasters, including CNN, and BBC News. His blog articles are read by millions of people each month.
His first book, The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck, is a New York Times bestseller, with over 6million copies sold, and his new book, Everything is Fucked, is a counterintuitive guide to the problems of hope.
I think people resonate with Mark’s ideas because of a few simple concepts.
The first is: stop giving a f**k.
Too many of us compare ourselves with all the other people out there on socialmedia. Trust me, you will always be able to find someone that is richer than you, or betterlooking, or has a better family, or is more successful than you.
Another of Mark’s main concepts is that as humans, we are always going to have problems, solook for the best quality problems. There will never come a day when you are going to stop having problems and everything in life will be easy. There will always be new problems, so get high quality problems.
I absolutely love talking to Mark; he’s got so many philosophies that can actually change your life. Mark is all about sticking to your values and working on those, and that’s something Iwanted to focus on today.
In his book he has exercises lined up for people to actually think about their values and then to question those values and see if they are serving you now and in the future.
Our Paths to Meaning
Mark and I have different stories about how we came to redefine our lives. This resonates so much with me. I had moved to London to be a banker. I was your classic greedy, over working, banker, but then in 2010 I started taking a meditation course and began meditating twice a day. About a month into this new practice, I started to realize that I was nothing more than an old, unhappy, fucker because I thought that money was the solution to all my problems.
I always told myself when I got enough money I would be happy, but that wasn’t true. I had so many bad habits and although I fancied myself a smart man, it wasn’t until I did the meditation that I realized I had to take a new direction in my life. I quit my job and nine months later, started London Real.
I also began to recreate my set of values and started trying to figure out what was going to bring me happiness if it wasn’t money. Through London Reel I got to create something for others, and connect with people and it completely changed me. I was happier and making more friends and my destructive habits started dropping off.
Although many people do have to hit rock bottom to make change, this was not how Mark went about his journey. He was a “self help junkie” in his teens and early adulthood. He was going through his life like it was a checklist that had to be completed. When he was 27, he realized he was nearing the end of the list and fear started to set in.
He realized that this checklist mentality was a game he had been playing with himself his whole life. He looked back on his “accomplishments” from the last 10 years and discovered that a lot of them didn’t seem meaningful. He compared this feeling to an itch, where as soon as you scratch it you have to again.
He had fun completing the checklist, but he learned that having fun was not the same thing as having a good life or a meaningful life. He began to ask himself, “What is meaningful?”
Finding the Right Yardstick
Everything comes back to the idea that if you’re measuring success based on money, for example, that’s a bad measurement because you can spend your whole life “succeeding” while feeling awful.
The first thing you have to do is get the measurement right, “you have to find the right yardstick to measure your life by.” So now we are tasked with finding the measurement of a good life. For every person it’s different, so it has to be an individual process.
This was ultimately the basis for Marks’ first book: what are you giving a f**k about, and should you be giving a f**k about it.
It goes to a deeper and more honest evaluation of the self because it requires the reader to ask him or herself whether they should want the things they think they want.
Mark believes that at the core of humanity, there are some things we have in common that can bring true meaning and happiness into our lives. These things include loving relationships, helping others, and creating something. When you invest your life into building on these core values you will be able to look back and have a sense of pride and accomplishment.
When you build your life around these key pillars of meaning and value, you will continue to feel fulfilled rather than feel like you constantly have to keep striving for more. This feeds into another major concept in Mark’s book which is about the difference between enjoyment and happiness. People enjoy certain things like money or fame more than others, and that might make them feel great but not truly happy.
Again, when your life is built on positive values it allows the individual to be sustained in the long run, rather than just be happy for a small period of time.
Through helping others and living a meaningful life, you will ultimately be helping yourself to grow into a better person.
How will you begin to use Mark’s core values to shape your life today?
Take some time to consciously evaluate how you are living and ask yourself, are you really happy?
Editor, Brian Rose Uncensored